What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Randomize
