i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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