i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I need to sanitize my soul.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
