Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
