Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Randomize
