ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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