Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Randomize