Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
