at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Are we still banned from the library?
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
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