oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Randomize
