She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
