Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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