Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
