She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
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