you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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