Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Randomize
