We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
