You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Randomize
