so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
