Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Randomize