Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
