I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
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