dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
