Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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