We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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