I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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