My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize