First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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