I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
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