I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
