Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
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