I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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