it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
