Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
