He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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