glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Randomize
