I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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