she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
