All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
