She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
