put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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