The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
