i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
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