if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
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