So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
My bed smells like the plague
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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