No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
