DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Randomize
