The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
