When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
