i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
