Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Randomize
