Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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