im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
