I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
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