WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
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