What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Randomize
