I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
