i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Can you repeat that, but with context?
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
