i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Randomize
