How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
