Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
nutella sex= disaster
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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