it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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