I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
