I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Randomize
