Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize