Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
