Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
