i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
