trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
