Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
