At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
