what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
