Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I got inside last night via doggy door
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
