Christians are straight up FREAKS
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
