We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
