Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
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