despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
