You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Randomize
