Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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