Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Randomize
