My nipple is on Facebook.
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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