she smelled like a LAN party
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
