Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
