Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
my vag is so smooth its legendary
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
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