we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize
