Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
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