Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Randomize
