i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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