My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Randomize
