The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
