there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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