Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
