i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Are we still banned from the library?
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize