and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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