So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Randomize