Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
are you so shy because you have an std?
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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