Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
