Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
