She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Randomize
